Friday, 17 June 2016

Some Modest Proposals

I propose a few measures that appear to me best solutions to some nagging problems we all suffer from.

Treating Professional Hazards

We have many State appointed bakers, operating with tax money of the poor, who spoil over 80% precious cakes after months of toil and throw them to the dogs. Or many State sponsored car manufacturing units that throw into the sea over 80% of its finished products as they either don’t find roads for them or necessary oil to grease them. Professional colleges are, for the majority of students, animal farms where students are not made into productive beings but fattened for slaughter but their meet, unfortunately, is unacceptable to the public and they die like abandoned horses and old cows slow painful deaths thanks to frustration, ostracization and drudgery of applying and preparing for interviews for all kinds of posts. Therefore it is proposed that after completing degree of professional colleges, 80% of graduates should be hanged in a public ceremony. The most conscientious of their teachers, selected by this outgoing batch, should join them in execution. The concerned Minister should supervise the whole proceedings. This would act as a deterrent to new applicants dreaming of professional careers but ending up, after spending five to eight years in these institutions following a stressful year or two spent in preparing for the entrance, in waiting for the jobs and getting only humiliated or consumed in the process through suicide of the mind though few go for actual physical suicide. This should begin with hanging the recent batch of students of BVSc & A.H for whom jobs in private sector are almost nonexistent forcing them to opt for other “jobs” that are nothing short of bondage of spirit besides resulting in wastage of one’s best potential and time in a sector that has been especially squeezed out of existence thanks to phantom modernization of our State. Isn’t it criminal on the part of aspiring candidates who compete in entrance that they don’t take any note of absorbing capacity of the system? Since the State’s planning wing doesn’t  trust competent authority selection it thinks it needs to spend huge resources to train all but then drop 4 out of 5 graduates and 2 out of 4 P.Gs in various professions while selecting them and thus it isn’t feasible to treat admission letters as job orders. How does it matter that now many professional students whoring foreign careers while “legally” betrothed to their professions end up betraying their profession and some fail both in professional excellence and in getting administrative career? There should also be public flogging instituted against over 80% students enrolled for Masters in various programmes in our universities who are not there by choice and wouldn’t excel and can’t cultivate enduring relationship to academics for which the degree is meant. They indulge in temporary or mut'ah marriages with their degrees/academics while keeping an eye on some job or administrative career as their permanent spouse from which they seek children or enduring bond of life.

Treating the Menace of  Heritage Farms
Mughal Gardens should be immediately shifted or declared Protected Zone or National Parks even if it costs hundreds of crores to State economy as there has been a report published in The Kashmir Journal of Nonsense Science and Wild Management Plan (on whose editorial board figure the best scientists of the country who however have no credentials in the study of animal diseases) regarding the possibility of transmission of some unknown diseases from tourists to local population. It doesn’t matter that a committee of scientists established by the government compromising the best local human resource in a host of disciplines has dismissed this report as a species of wild logic that needs to be read as politics instead of science.  It doesn’t matter that the farm has a heritage value and that world fraternity of scientists laughs at our exclusivist logic which asserts that sheep eats Hangul and not left over grass close to the ground. Kashmiri science is new science that we need to export, so argues our wild science.
      Exile a population of over 50,000 humans in the scores of villages along with all their cattle, sheep and poultry  living near or around Dachigam National Park to prevent possibility of transfer of some infective organisms which are shared by animals (including Hangul) and men as Hangul must be saved. It doesn’t matter there is no evidence. It hardly matters if it requires few hundred crores as the State is quite rich to afford it and might lose both people and sheep farm and hangul in the long run. It is a possibility. But don’t talk about security forces and nearby cement plants and half a dozen departments and many human colonies inside the park as that constitutes national interest. Don’t talk either of huge predator population inside the park and no need to investigate any lack of correlation between increase in sheep population and hangul decline ( that started decades before the farm was established).
      There must be separate Pandit  colonies as some biologist has remarked on facebook (not in any scientific journal) that due to forced stay in hot weather outside the State for quite some time they have developed strong receptivity to certain allergens that are found around dense Muslim populations where they originally lived. They might get extinct if they commingle with or come close to Muslim population. A local S.P has corroborated the statement and though the scientist community has been asked to review the claim but their dissenting note has been thrown into the dustbin. Human social, religious, cultural and economic costs accruing from relocation of Pandits don’t matter.

Treating the Problem of Ageing Parents 
The government should issue a form/certificate to be filled and signed by every old person stating three options:
A) Stay with their children on the condition no complaints are made or even hinted against the later to kith and kin or foes and friends of their children.
B) That if apprehensive of some mistreatment he/she calls for guaranteed regular provision of a modest monthly stipend  from children.
C) Opt for old age homes that the State must construct immediately.
      A separate intelligence wing be established that informs a State Parents Commission  (to be established on the pattern of State Women’s Commission) regarding alienation of old parents and accordingly take action. The NGOs or the State open up portals or facebook pages where old parents record their views on their exemplary treatment they get in homes in view of the fact that a sizeable number of them have expressed desire to volunteer for the journey to the other world.

Menace of Sexual Misconduct

If the State can’t facilitate early marriages to cure loose sexual behaviour and generate funds for marrying thousands of its girls and boys by such measures as imposing, on the rich, a marriage tax of 50% on all spending on jewellery exceeding Rs. 50,000 and lavish wazwan in which more than 100 kg meat has been cooked and even one kg has been wasted, it should pass a bill for euthanasia of all males and females who couldn’t marry, before the age of 35, for socio-economic reasons as their life is later a slow death  for not only them but their whole families.

P. S
I have been inspired by Swift’s A Modest Proposal which proposed that the poor Irish may consider easing their economic troubles by selling their children as food for rich people. If my proposals appear somewhat wild, excuse me as I have only copied the wild logic of certain practices or discourses in vogue that don’t appear wild to us ordinarily.
http://www.greaterkashmir.com/news/opinion/some-modest-proposals/220574.html

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